So, I'm reading a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. It's definitely an eye opener for me! Especially today. Have you ever had days ( or maybe it lasted more like a week, than a day) where you just wanted to ridicule everything? Where you had something negative to say, even if you just thought it in your head but didn't say it out loud? That would be ME lately. I think I've done a pretty good job at trying not to vocalize most of the negativity, but after reading parts of this book tonight, I feel like I need to insert foot into mouth.
Francis Chan compares our lives to being an extra in a movie. When people have their debut, even if it is the back of their head for a split second, they feel that the whole world should see this movie about them.. They are so blindsided to the fact that this movie really has nothing to do with them, and they are merely a placeholder for a nano second. He then goes on to say that we are those "extras" in the movie starring the One, the Only, GOD. This is not about me at all, but all about GOD.
Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I get so caught up in the "are you serious? Did he/she really just do that?" or "Do they not know that what they did was totally wrong?" Then, because He's God and He knows my thoughts, God gives me a good kick in the butt and says,"Jenna, watch it! It doesn't matter what you think. I'M the star of this show, and I call the shots around here." DANG! Talk about being embarrassed!
I have been told more than once in the past that I can come off as a little overbearing. Sometimes I get ahead of myself, and say things that don't sound all too nice, even if I really didn't mean for it to come out that way. To be honest, I tried to take it as a compliment, that I'm a woman that knows what I want! Well, in the past few months I've realized that this way of acting can actually hurt someone, even when I'm not trying to. So I'm trying to change. I sometimes get back into that rut, like I did these past couple of days, but then I find myself hearing God tell me once again that it's not my place to judge, or that I need to just let things go out of my control. HE will take care of everything. HE will do the judging when the time comes. Do I want to have those moments of pure negativity on my conscience when He judges me?
Even if my heart is in the right place, I need to make sure my actions and words are showing that. I truly want to be a person that when you talk to me, or watch me, or whatever, you can see God overflowing from me. I want people to know that I am all about my God, and I want his Love to pass through me and into others. Can I do it? Yeah, Will it be a daily challenge? Yeah. But my God is my helper, and He will give me the strength, wisdom, and love to follow through. I'm so thankful that this isn't really a show about me. If that were the case, it would definitely be a flop at the box office!
